Fear and Secrets, a Remus Lupin OneShot
by dancer4813
Summary: What happens when James and Sirius work out that Remus Lupin, a boy in their dormitory, is a werewolf? Will they desert him, hurt him, or will he finally find acceptance? NO SLASH, Canon, all characters and places belong to JK Rowling


Fear and Secrets - A Remus Lupin One-Shot

* * *

Remus awoke to soreness and aches. It wasn't unusual on the day after the full moon, but he'd never be able to get used to the feeling. _Lucky I didn't scratch myself too badly._ He thought tiredly.

With his sensitive hearing he heard Madam Pomfery making her way through the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack. He hurried to get dressed into the clothes that had been left for him despite his inability to string together coherent thoughts. _Tired._ That summarized his world.

The matron peeked through the hidden door, checking to make sure he was clothed. When she was satisfied she stepped over the threshold into the dingy cottage and made her way through the debris toward Remus where he had curled up on the floor.

"Remus, Mr. Lupin, It's time to get going dear." she said kindly, pity evident in her voice. He despised her pity. She had no idea how he felt, no idea what happened one night every month.

The boy grimaced and barely covered a gasp of pain as he stood up, stretching his tiredness away. He looked up into the woman's grey-green eyes and saw pity and kindness. _Pity._ He thought derisively as he attempted to take a few steps. _I don't need their pity._

Struggling to contain his groans of pain, Remus and Madam Pomfery carefully exited the Whomping Willow's passageway, Remus covered in an invisibility cloak that belonged to Professor Dumbledore. The matron exited first in order to secure the tree, then the young werewolf stepped into the chilly dawn, shivering slightly in the cold November air. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon, the sky grey and cloudy, a reflection of his mood.

As they walked across the grounds covered in frost he tried to come up with yet another excuse to give his friends for being in the hospital wing the whole day. It was his third year and he was running out of reasons to be absent from school on the day of the full moon. _What did I tell them I was doing? Visiting my mother? No, I did that last month... My great aunt died? Yeah, that's the one._ He thought.

They paused for a moment as Madam Pomfery opened the huge oak doors leading to the entrance hall. It was still too early for anyone to be going down to the Great Hall for breakfast, so the school was silent and still. A few birds could be heard through the windows as the two of them ascended the stairs to the hospital wing, their songs floating over the quietness of the halls.

As Remus slid into his usual bed at the far end on the ward he sighed. Even though the deception of his only friends was necessary, it was no less painful to conceal his lycanthropy. He dreaded what would happen when James, Sirius and Peter found out his secret. Would they turn on him? Desert him? _They wouldn't be the first._ He thought. He vividly remembered his uncle's reaction to his bite, even though he had only been five years old.

_*Flashback*_

Five year old Remus was lying in a bed at St. Mungos, in a room lined with silver. At the moment he was laying in the bed, utterly bored, as there was nothing for him to do. The Healers were too afraid to stay in the room with him and his parents had left to meet his cousins, aunt and uncle who would be visiting him later in the day. He had wards around the bed to keep him from getting up, but even if he had been able to move around the floor and walls would shock him if he touched them.

He shifted and winced as he nudged the bandages covering his right shoulder, where the bite was still fresh. At only a week after the attack the injury hurt whenever it was touched.

A noise from outside the door caused Remus to sit up. He listened closely and heard indistinct voices getting louder. The door swung open, revealing his two older cousins, Alexandra and Jason. They were seven year old twins and were full of energy, excited to see their cousin. Because the twins came from his mother's side of the family they were Muggles, but they still knew about the magical world.

"Hey Lexi! Hey Jason!" Remus said excitedly, perking up.

"Hey cuz!" Jason said, "How're you doing, Rem?"

"Better than I was last week." Remus sighed. "But I'm so _bored._"

"It's okay." Alexandra consoled. "I'm sure you'll be out of here in no time!"

Remus gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks Lexi."

Remus turned his attention to his parents, uncle and aunt who had come into the room after the two excited seven year olds. His uncle Lucas and his aunt Jill were looking around at the shiny walls of the room anxiously.

"Are you sure he's safe?" his aunt asked the Healer who accompanied them.

"Perfectly." his mother answered before the Healer could say anything. "He's only dangerous during the full moon and that's three weeks away. Right now he is absolutely harmless."

His aunt nodded, understanding, but his uncle still looked concerned. "Then why are the walls made of silver?" He asked, concerned. "And why can't he get out of his bed?" He added, seeing Remus leaning on the see-through barrier surrounding his bed.

"Just a precaution." The healer, a short witch with graying hair spoke up.

Remus' father and mother frowned. "There's no reason for that." His father said, looking slightly annoyed. "He's five, you can't just keep him cooped up in his bed all day."

"It's just what I've been told to do, Mr. Lupin." the Healer said tersely.

The children were all watching the adults' conversation with interest, especially Alexandra and Jason. "You aren't dangerous are you Rem?" Alexandra asked, looking fearful.

" 'Course not Lexi." he said reassuringly. "Like my mum said, only during the full moon. Right now I'm just bored. Wish I had something to do." He looked sadly at his cousins, able to walk around without any problem. _I'm not dangerous, so why do they act like I am?_ he thought.

His uncle was still looking worridly at the silver walls and floor. "We should go, Jill." he said, anxiety in his voice. "Before anything happens."

She turned to gape at him. "What are you talking about Luc? This is our nephew we're talking about. Remus is a harmless boy.

"He's a _werewolf_." Lucas hissed.

Remus looked away, tears tickling the corners of his eyes. What did they think he was going to do? He was only five for crying out loud.

Unfortunately, the Healer seemed to have the same idea. She was shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot, shooting fearful glances at Remus.

Alexandra and Jason looked confused. "But Remus is fine!" Jason said, bewildered.

"Son, werewolves are a menace to society, a danger." His uncle said, but that was where Remus' mother drew the line.

"Luc!" She cried angrily. "That is no way to talk about your nephew and my son. He's _five_ and he's scared enough without you freaking out about it." Remus didn't meet his cousin's eyes when they turned to look at him. Alexandra looked like she wanted to embrace her little cousin in a hug.

"I don't care Jill." His uncle said, his voice rising with anger. "If they keep him locked up like this there must be something you don't know. They obviously know what they're doing." He looked around at his family. "Come on, we're going." He said, grabbing his wife's hand and leading her towards the door. "Come Alexandra, Jason. We're leaving." The twins gave a sorry look back at Remus, who still had his head on his arms, then followed their dad out of the room.

Remus' mother looked murderous. "Luc had no reason to do that." She whispered angrily. She then spotted her son, who looked dejected and abandoned.

"Oh Remus." She said, walking over to the bed to look down at her only child. "Don't let what they say hurt you. They don't really understand you know, what with them being muggles and all."

"You're a muggle." Remus said in a whisper. "And you don't hate me."

She looked sadly at her son. _Is that really what he thinks?_ She asked herself. _That they hate him?_

"And they have good reason to." He continued. "I'm a-a-a... a monster." His tiny body was racked with sobs as buried his head in his pillow, ignoring the pain in his shoulder.

His father had been watching silently, but suddenly stood up, joining his wife. "Don't you think that for a minute Remus, not one minute. You are you and that's all that matters." Remus just shook his head into the pillow.

"Healer." His father said, giving her a meaningful look. She looked uncomfortable.

"You know I'm not supposed to Mr. Lupin." She looked warily at Remus, crying into his pillow.

"He needs us." His father said, turning his gaze back to his only son. "Otherwise he loses his only support. How can he realize that he's not just a monster if no one tells him otherwise?"

The healer, who obviously believed Remus _was_ just a monster, looked frightened. "You do realize I could lose my job if I do it." She said. He nodded solemnly.

"I realize that. And I don't care." His gaze was stern and his eyes fiery.

The woman gave one last look at the little boy, then closed and locked the door to the cell-like room, then waved her wand once in the direction of the bed. "You can get to him now." She said nervously, shrinking back against the cold, silver wall.

His mother ran to him and embraced him as only a mother can, conveying warmth, protection and love through a simple hug. "It's alright Remus. It'll be alright." She soothed, rubbing her hand up and down his back. He gripped her tightly around the waist, crying into her shoulder.

She looked over her shoulder at her husband, giving him a silent plea. He responded instantly, coming to join the hug, holding his son close, giving him an illusion of safety.

Even if it was just an illusion.

_*End Flashback*_

Unshed tears glittered in Remus' eyes as he thought back to the day. His uncle hadn't allowed Alexandra or Jason anywhere near Remus after seeing him at St. Mungos.

Remus was startled out of his thoughts by Madam Pomfery, appearing with a tall glass of purple potion.

"Here you go dear." She said kindly, handing him the glass. Remus wrinkled his nose, but downed the potion in one go. She took the glass back and took out the usual curtains, encircling them around Remus' bed as his vision went fuzzy and he drifted off into a deep and dreamless sleep.

* * *

Remus woke sometime in the afternoon, bright sunlight streaming through the high windows of the hospital wing. He blinked a few times, letting his eyes adjust, then sat up carefully, his muscles still stiff and sore. The bedsprings creaked and Madam Pomfery bustled over, fussing over him.

After a few minutes of her fussing she gave him an energy potion to get him through the rest of the day. He gulped it down, nearly choking on the horrid concoction.

"Now off you run dear, you're just in time for dinner!" She said, heading back to her office with the empty glass in hand.

"Thanks Madam Pomfery." He called over his shoulder, leaving the hospital wing. He trudged down to the Great Hall, still tired and sore. The hall was loud and full of people eating dinner. A few stragglers were slipping in between the high oak doors. Silently Remus joined them, not really wanting to interact with anyone.

He saw Sirius and James wave him over from the Gryffindor table and he waved back, hitching a fake smile onto his face at the sight of his friends. _Friends. HIS friends._

He plopped down between Peter, who was stuffing his face with potatoes, and Sirius, who was looking at him with concern.

"How was the funeral?" He asked, a nearly undetectable edge in his voice. Remus noticed nothing.

"Okay." Remus said, pretending to look downcast. "It was nice and everything, but pretty boring."

"Hmmm..." Said James, studying Remus, but looking at his plate a moment later when Remus turned to look at him. He shoved some carrots into his mouth. He swallowed, barely chewing. "Hey, there's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up!" He said excitedly.

"Yep." Said Sirius, taking a swig of pumpkin juice. "Next Saturday. Lucky too, I need some more stink pellets and sugar quills."

His friends continuing to talk about the upcoming Hogsmeade trip; Remus was lost in thought.

* * *

Late that evening, after everyone had gone to bed, Remus was sitting in the common room finishing up his make-up homework for Charms and Herbology. He sighed, leaning back in his armchair for a moment and stretching. He'd been hunched over his essays for an hour and a half and his already sore muscles were cramping up.

A noise from behind him caused him to jump. He whirled around, looking for the source of the disturbance, but saw nothing. He slowly turned back to his Charms essay, finished off the last paragraph and stuffed it unceremoniously back into his bag. After packing up the rest of his books he traipsed back up to his dorm, eager for sleep.

He trudged up the stairs to the familiar dormitory he shared with his three friends. Yawning, he pushed open the door, dropped his bag next to his bed and bent down to look for his pajamas when a movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He stood up quickly, pulling out his wand as he went, and came face-to-face with none other than James Potter, looking terrified but defiant, and pointing his own mahogany wand at Remus' chest. Sirius stood right behind him, his wand gripped tightly in his hand.

Remus' breath caught in his throat, fear clouding his senses. His breathing became shallow as he stared at Sirius and James.

"James... Sirius..." He said, trailing away.

_You should have known_. A bitter voice said in his head. _No one wants _you_. You're silly to think you had friends- as if!_

James was panting, his wand still pointed at the thirteen year old werewolf's chest.

Remus took a careful step back, his eyes shining with fear. "I-I-I... I'm s-s-sorry." He said, stuttering. "I-I'll j-just go, sh-shall I?" He attempted a small smile, but it just came out as a grimace.

"You thought we wouldn't find out?" James said coldly, speaking for the first time. "Honestly, Lupin. For one of the smartest kids in our year you're really thick."

Remus backed away another step. James advanced. Remus switched tactics. "Please, I'll just leave." He begged, his brown eyes reflecting fear. "I can leave tomorrow, first thing. Please, just let me go."

James and Sirius looked at their 'friend' with cold stares, edged with apprehension.

Remus stood frozen with fear, staring at the two black-haired boys, despair filling his limbs. He collapsed suddenly, the fear taking control, causing his small body to quake with silent sobs, his head buried in his arms.

Sirius and James gaped at each other, then turned back to the young werewolf in front of them. Surely werewolves didn't cry?

"Just kill me now."

They exchanged a look of caution and shock; they hadn't been expecting that. They approached the boy warily, wands still held out.

"Why would we do that, mate?" Sirius asked carefully, crouching down on the wooden floor of their dormitory.

Remus looked up at the two pairs of eyes, his own tear-stained brown meeting the grey and the hazel, weary yet curious, then down again, and spoke softly so they had to strain to hear his voice.

"Because I'm a monster."

"No you're not." James said without thinking, slipping his wand beneath his robes. Remus and Sirius turned to gape at him. He lowered his voice, sitting himself next to Remus and Sirius.

"Look Remus, l- we just-... I'm sorry." He said finally, hanging his head.

"But you're _right_." Remus said in desperation, his eye flicking, terrified, from Sirius' face to James'. "I'm _dangerous._" He turned away, hugging his knees into his chest, unbidden tears sliding down his cheeks. "I could hurt someone..."

James stretched his hand out and placed it on Remus' shoulder. Remus flinched, but didn't shake off the touch. James could feel his small form trembling and quaking beneath his fingers.

"_We_ were wrong." He said finally, his voice soft.

"But I-"

"Doesn't matter." Sirius supplied, putting his hand on Remus' other shoulder. "We're still friends, mate."

Remus turned to stare at them, disbelief etched in his face. "What...I mean...still...friends?" The last word was a question. James smiled a small smile and nodded. Sirius followed suit, then pulled Remus into a tight hug, a comforting hug. James joined them and Remus collapsed into sobs again.

"It'll be okay." James said reassuringly as he pulled away, running his hand through his own jet-black hair nervously. "We're here for you."

Remus looked up at the faces of his friends hesitantly, then, for the first time in a long while, smiled a true smile, radiating pure joy, even through the tear stains covering his face.

"Thank you."

* * *

**So there's my one-shot... just wrote it for fun earlier this year. Tell me what you think please! :) Is it good? I think the ending is pretty bad, but I want your opinions.**

**I appreciate your support and any comments! :D Thanks!**

**~Megan**


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